Culture Quest Answer

“The eye cannot rise above the eyebrow” reflects understanding where you fall in the hierarchy and behaving accordingly.

Cross-Cultural Communication: How Cultures Say “No”.

By Susan Gandhi Schultz

I am in process of writing a book on Working Effectively Across Cultures,  The value of this book is that is includes advice from the hundreds of global participants (who have attended my cross-cultural effectiveness workshops) on how to work with people from their countries.   Please feel free to send me some key advice from your country or culture.  I will compile them and share these on this site.

A significant cross-cultural communication difference is impacted by the perception of conflict.

One of the significant cultural differences is the ability to give “bad news” such as saying ‘no’, disagreeing or refusing.  Cultures that are more direct or “low-elaborative” are comfortable “calling a spade a spade”.  In fact, this is often associated with honesty, as in “open, honest, communication”.  Many parts of Europe, N. America, Oceania, and in some situations Latin America, are comfortable with this communication style, as this approach is not necessarily viewed as conflict.  Many cultures such as Asian countries value harmony and face.  Directness in communication is associated with conflict which is a no-no.  Add the need to show respect for hierarchy and this becomes even more challenging for those lower in the hierarchy communicating with those senior.  Hence these cultures avoid direct, “disharmonious” communication and find indirect ways to give “bad news.”

Conversely, in many “high-elaborative” or indirect cultures, (such as India, where I grew up), one can be fairly direct in close relationships (my relatives have no problem telling me I look too thin or fat or sick).  Similarly, elders and seniors could be direct with younger or juniors (such as my aunts or uncles telling me, even as a mature adult, that I should do this or should not do that!).   In many direct cultures this would be viewed as rude or invading one’s privacy or independence.

The key to effective cross-cultural communication is to understand the values behind the behaviors.

Avoid judgments of right or wrong.  One may still not be comfortable with the style, but not put the onus on the other.  When we do this, it is possible to open up productive cultural dialogue to understand where the other cultures are coming from.  Such as, “In my culture or to me, when one says ‘I will try’ I take it literally as a commitment.  What is your intent when you say that?”  Often it may take some trust and relationship building for more indirect cultures to open up…..and that is a topic for another day.

Below are some examples of indirect “no”, shared by people from around the world.

• Maybe.
• Yes, let me see if I can.
• Yes, Yes, but I will have to first do…..
• I’ll get back to you.
• Yes, I want to help.
• Yes, I’d like to help but I have to go out later.
• Well, that seems very interesting and I would like to do it but I am busy now.
• Let me see what I can do.Let me talk to my super
• Maybe someone else can help you.
• Let me try once I am done with this task.
• Please do not take it personally, but I am not sure that will work.
• I am not sure I understand.
• Basically, I agree/ no problem…
• I do not mean to offend you, but I don’t think that idea is workable.
• We will think about /discuss it.
• Yes, I understand.
• I’ll try.
• Let me ask my supervisor first.
• I will do my best.
• We will see.
• Maybe I can help later.
• We cannot promise.
• I am so sorry, I want to help, but I cannot because I have to take my son to the doctor because he has been coughing…etc….
• It will be difficult.

Depending on the situation, you will need to either presume a ‘no’ or else probe (gently) deeper.  What you don’t want to do is push for a “yes” or “no” reply…..the chances are you will get a “Yes” when the meaning is “No”!

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As an Intercultural Consultant, for over 25 years Susan Gandhi Schultz has worked with organizations to successfully develop global leaders, create effective global multi-cultural teams, and build a cross-culturally inclusive workplace. She is currently authoring a book on Working Effectively Across Cultures, in which she shares insights from nationals from 30 countries on how to succeed when working with their cultures.